BREAST ENHANCEMENT WEB SITE TERMS OF
USE
Wow! You actually came to this page. Our lawyers made us
include it and made us use a precious button on our home page to get you here.
At first, we thought the lawyers were a real pain. But then we read the page.
What a Netwakening! It's really important stuff. We took the legalese the
lawyers wrote and translated it into readable English. So be a smart nethead and
read the stuff on this page. It could prevent you from hearing from our lawyers,
or worse yet, from really nasty people, like prosecutors.
Here's the deal:
We run this site so that people like you (and people you
like) can use it for personal entertainment, information, education,
communication, and cybergratification. So go ahead and browse around all you
like. You can even download stuff from the site but only for non-commercial,
personal use. If you do, though, don't fool around with the copyright and other
notices all over the stuff. They're there for a really good reason. And don't
even think about distributing, modifying, transmitting, reusing, re-posting, or
anything else uncool with any of the stuff, including the text, images, audio,
and video, for public or commercial purposes unless we give you written
permission. And it's not likely we will.
If you visit our site, you're also legally obligated to
[read: stuck with] the terms and conditions listed below and any other law or
regulation that applies to the site, the Internet, the World Wide Web, or Los
Angeles, CA. You shouldn't access or browse the site if you have any problem
with that, because once you start, there's no turning back -- you are bound by
[read: stuck with] the terms and conditions.
So here's the scoop on our Top Ten Rules for Cybersurfers
who hang out on our site:
1. For everyone's sake, just assume that everything
on the site is copyrighted unless we say it's not. So you can't use the stuff
except how we say you can on this page or anywhere else on the site without our
written permission. And like we said before, it's not likely we'll give you
permission anyway. In fact, even if we wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto
any deal anyway. So it's better you don't even ask.
2. While we try to include accurate stuff on the
site, we're not promising you it's accurate. In fact, we're not promising you
anything except fun and entertainment. So if you use stuff on the site, you're
using it at your own risk. Don't call us if there's a problem because we assume
no liability or responsibility for errors or omissions on the site.
3. We and anybody else who helped us create, produce,
or deliver the site are not liable for any damages you suffer when you use it.
In particular, the lawyers want you to know that our disclaimer includes
"direct, incidental, consequential, indirect, or punitive damages arising out of
your access to, or use of, the site. Without limiting the foregoing, everything
on the site is provided to you 'AS IS' WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER
EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF
MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT.
Please note that some jurisdictions may not allow the
exclusion of implied warranties, so some of the above exclusions may not apply
to you. Check your local laws for any restrictions or limitations regarding the
exclusion of implied warranties. " Ugh! What a mouthful from the mouthpieces. We
put all of that in quotes because we couldn't figure out any other way to say it
that the lawyers would accept. But here's the bottom line -- we're not
responsible if you're browsing around and the site damages you or your computer
or infects it with any nasty viruses. We sure hope that doesn't happen, but if
it does, don't call us.
4. If you don't want the world to know something,
don't post in on the site in any bulletin board or anyplace else. That's because
anything you disclose to us is ours. That's right -- ours. So we can do anything
we want with the stuff you post. We can reproduce it, disclose it, transmit it,
publish it, broadcast it, and post it someplace else. We can even send it to
your mother (as soon as we find her address). Not only that, we can even use any
ideas, concepts, know-how, or techniques you post any way we want to, including,
developing, manufacturing and marketing products or other stuff using the
information you post.
5. Pictures of people or places shown on the site are
either our property or someone else's property we're using with their
permission. No matter what, it's definitely not your property. You or any of
your net-friends can't use it unless we said you could on this page or somewhere
else on the site. And guess what -- we won't say yes. So be careful, Bunky,
because unauthorized use may violate all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep the
stuff you download to yourself.
6. There's also a lot of trademarks, logos, and
service marks on the site that either we own or we're using with someone else's
permission. So don't think you have any kind of license or right to use them,
because you don't and we're not about to give you one. If you don't leave them
alone and mess with our trademarks, logos and service marks on our site, we'll
probably go ballistic, so will the companies that own the other trademarks,
logos and service marks. That means that we're likely to sue you or to ask a
prosecutor to come after you for messing around with our property or the
property of others.
7. You'll probably notice we've linked our site to
lots of others. While that's cool, it doesn't mean we've looked at all those
sites, much less checked them out periodically to see what's going on. So don't
blame us if some site you link to is bad or has stuff on it that offends you or
your pets. Go ahead and link, but remember, you're doing it at your risk.
8. That brings us to what you do on our own site.
While we occasionally listen in on chat groups, or look at the posting in our
discussion groups or on our bulletin boards, we take no responsibility and
assume no liability for the content of those locations or for any mistakes,
defamation, libel, slander, omissions, falsehoods, obscenity, pornography, or
profanity you might encounter when you visit such places on our site. And don't
be stupid by posting or transmitting any unlawful, threatening, libelous,
defamatory, obscene, scandalous, inflammatory, pornographic, nasty, mean, or
profane material or any material that law enforcement types may consider a
criminal offense, get someone in court on a civil lawsuit, or for that matter
violate any law -- anywhere, anytime. While we certainly respect your privacy,
we have no choice but to fully cooperate with any law enforcement authorities or
court which might ask us who might have posted nasty stuff on our site.
9. Software that we use on this Site is protected by
all sorts of patriotic U.S. laws. Because of that, you can't download or send
the software to anyone in the vacation travel spots of Cuba, Iraq, Libya, North
Korea, Iran, Syria, or any other country where United States has embargoed
goods; or (get this) to anyone on the United States Treasury Department's list
of Specially Designated Nationals, the U.S. Commerce Department's Table of Deny
Orders, or the FBI's Most Wanted Internet Creeps List (just kidding on the last
one). As if that were not tough enough, if you live in or are a national of any
of those lovely places, you're not even supposed to be reading this page, so
beat it!
10. We're also allowed to change this page and
anything else on the site any time we want to. That's because it's ours and we
have the programmers who can do it. If we do change the page, then you're bound
by [read: stuck with] those changes, too, whenever you visit our site.
11. If either of us wants to make something of it
and wants to “sue” (a dirty word) then we have to follow these rules of
engagement. (sort of according to the Geneva Convention):
This Agreement is governed by the laws of the State of
Georgia, without regard to principles of conflict of laws.
To the extent you have in any manner violated or
threatened to violate breast-enhancement-naturally.com and/or its affiliates'
intellectual property rights, breast-enhancement-naturally.com and/or its
affiliates may seek injunctive or other appropriate relief in any state or
federal court in the State of Georgia, and you consent to exclusive jurisdiction
and venue in such courts.
Any other disputes will be resolved as follows:
If a dispute arises under this agreement, we agree to
first try to resolve it with the help of a mutually agreed-upon mediator in the
following location: Sumter County, Georgia. Any costs and fees other than
attorney fees associated with the mediation will be shared equally by each of
us.
If it proves impossible to arrive at a mutually
satisfactory solution through mediation, we agree to submit the dispute to
binding arbitration at the following location: Sumter County, Georgia, under the
rules of the American Arbitration Association. Judgment upon the award rendered
by the arbitration may be entered in any court with jurisdiction to do so.
If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplomatic, you
should have seen what the lawyers gave to us in the first place. We had to
remind them that human torture and sacrifice was outlawed in the United States.
Boy, did they look disappointed!
September 18, 2005
breast-enhancement-naturally.com
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